Dear Future Me
Remember how terrible things were when you sat in front of your notebook in a Tim Hortons’ to write this? Like the world was on your shoulders and yours alone and you would go down soon? Remember how close you were to giving up? How close you were to saying ‘Fuck This’ and taking the easy way out? Do you remember it all? How you glammed all up, plugged your headphones in and just wrote because this has always been your release? I’m wondering, how in the world did you get through this?
They say our deepest fear is that we are inadequate, that we aren’t good enough. Well, that’s not it…that’s not it at all. Mine is that I will never understand why the world works the way it does. I have a lot of questions that may never be answered, that’s what haunts me. The idea that there is supposedly a God out there watching everything go to shit down here. I would love to ask how things are, if things got better, if you are happy now, truly happy but no, I sincerely do not care to know.
If you’re reading this I reckon things did get better because you remember sitting here, looking about this coffeehouse, scanning the people coming and going and noting that the world’s hard on everyone else, most people just know how to hide their battle wounds very well. You remember promising yourself that you will NEVER put yourself in a situation that will leave you this shattered, this alone and this empty. YOU are your own wind maker.
You promised to never be broken, to never let life do you like this no more, well, how are we doing on that promise? Because as pathetic as this may sound, that is the only one thing that’s keeping me going, the hope that the tides will turn and fate will smile on me again, and if it doesn’t we will make it…God will provide? Well, since he hasn’t yet, we’ll have to do it until he does.
This is where I leave you; Be happy. Go out there, live, explore, search for the answers you want and do not for a second doubt yourself. Greatest is your legacy, live it…
A deeply broken past you