Mindset is half the battle…
One of the many truths of life is that people struggle with the feeling that they aren’t good enough every minute of every day. I prefer not to call it low-self esteem or shyness or the many names associated with it because they doesn’t quite cut it, let’s call them GREEN. There are over 7billion people in the world and one out of every 5 is green.
Several people fail to see it still, but, I’m green in certain situations. I cannot stand in a room full of people and not feel my heart pounding faster than a speeding train. We are all green, some just really know how to contain it or move past it. Tell me to write something or do something in the shadows and I’m up for it, but put me in front of an audience and I suddenly lose my tongue and you wonder if my work is actually my work… It happens, don’t beat yourself up.
We’ set certain standards for ourselves and we’re constantly comparing our present achievements to our perfectly cooked up standards and when they don’t measure up, we ostracize ourselves and the feeling of self rejection and unworthiness creeps in. It happens, the human mind yearns for perfection…
True self-esteem goes deeper. It’s finding the source of power and aliveness deep inside, realizing that within the depth of your being, there is the continuous source of intense aliveness and power, which is the stillness out of which everything comes. – Don Miguel Ruiz
A very common mistake is the concept of self-esteem being confused for self-image. The two terms basically entail the same thing with an emphasis on self; while Self image is what others think of you, Self-esteem is what you think of yourself. The downside to this is the fact that one’s self-esteem is sometimes affected by one’s self-image, which is really wrong because it actually means you’re letting others brand or validate you. If you’re green, it means;
- You’re looking at yourself all wrong
- You’re letting your popularity or social status define you
- Your idea of self-worth is affected by how you think you look
- Your accomplishments become you
- You are constantly afraid to converse with others because you think you might not make sense (Most of the time you realize your ideas were point on)
How do you correct this, how do you see yourself in a better light, how do you measure up to your own standards, how do you get better? Well, there are certain ideas to nudge you in the right direction to leave the green world be.
- Inner Critic – Well, the first thing to know is that perfection is a fool’s errand so set realistic goals that are easily attainable in the real world, keep your fantasies of perfection separate from your hopes and dreams. That way, your standards aren’t impossible to live up to, let your standards urge you to aim for effort…The mind is a very powerful tool, you basically become what you think so try not to talk down on yourself (Encourage instead of criticising).
- Know Thyself – I’m sure y’all know something about the SWOT analysis matrix. It’s a tool used to analyze the Strengths, Weakness, Opportunities and Threats of a business or for oneself. It simply spells out your abilities and points out your weakness for proper self-evaluation, encouraging you to appreciate your strengths and explore them to create opportunities for self growth/improvement and acknowledge your weaknesses. To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom – Socrates.
- Accept Criticisms – Criticisms are part of life, friends and family may notice something about you and draw your attention to it, it’s their way of helping you grow. The delivery may be intense or careless sometimes but try to see it from another perspective; a complaint was made, an advice was given, don’t simply nod and hold a grudge for the remnant of your life. Accept the criticism, go home and reflect on it, if it holds water, learn from it. Some of ours weaknesses are mostly things others see. Other people aren’t validating you, you’re simply learning to pave your own unique part from the criticisms of others.
- The last fact is this; stop comparing yourself to others. An obsession with self-image only leads to a life of constant comparison which in turn leads to a Green life and pertinent sadness because you’re never worthy. Success means totally different things to each one of us, learn to not focus your esteem on the experiences or lifestyle of other, cultivate your own expectations and standards for others and let them live up to it instead.
- I also suggest you go out, try new things, meet new people, join an real social group concerned with a cause you’re passionate about. As you build your people and communication skills, you slowly start to leave the greenness behind. True story…
Most importantly, you aren’t alone. There are so many of us out there, fighting this green battle alongside you. Find a connection with the spiritual and learn to achieve self-esteem through the cultivation of a relationship with God whilst applying these steps as guidelines, one day at a time…